I hate talking on the telephone…

— P.J. O’Rourke From americanconsequences.com

I consider being unable to come to the phone to be one of life’s greatest luxuries. The last thing I want is a telephone that fits in my pocket, can find me wherever I go, fills my head with things like Trump tweets, bowling tournament scores, and how I didn’t win the lottery again, and calls me a cab because my wife says I should quit drinking and get home right now.

I want a phone the size of a cement block, like AT&T used to make, and I want it connected to an answering machine that says I can’t come to the phone.”

Leave a Reply